Burnout

When Elizabeth and I were talking some time ago about possible topics for this reflection, we must have both been having a pretty lousy day, because after only a very little discussion, we both came to the same conclusion at the same time. Let's talk about those times when the well runs dry. The rope comes to an end, the candle starts to flicker... in a word, burnout.

Actually, that is not the same as just having a bad day, the sort of day where you don't feel all that great to start with and then everything that can go wrong does, you start to snap at people you really do like, and all in all just want to crawl in a hole and think nasty thoughts about everybody and everything. That's normal enough, and usually all it takes is a good night's sleep, and things look rosier.

Burnout begins to become a reality when a night's sleep isn't enough, those kinds of days begin to string together, and we begin to draw on reserves that we really don't believe we have be those reserves physical, emotional intellectual, or spiritual, simply in order to keep going. Those reserves may actually be there, but we sure can't feel them, and experientially at least, that's about the same as not having them.

Not too surprisingly, I suppose, burnout is a thing that seems to happen most easily to good people, ...dedicated people who care about what they do, who want very much to do it well and effectively. In fact, sometimes, that very dedication can be one of the things that makes the antidote difficult to apply. The reaction of such people can be something along the line of. "Well, if everybody would just stop worrying so much about their wounded psyches and start doing the job they have to do, we'd all be a lot better off. Sure, life can be tiring, but that just means try a little harder, ...when the going gets tough, the tough get going". So to reflect on burnout, to insist that it is a real thing that afflicts real people may sound, at first, all a little bit self-indulgent, even a little bit silly. But it's not. Actually, it is really not a new concern at all, it is as old as the Old Testament in fact. There is a wonderful, though slightly poetic, description of burnout in the first Book of Kings, the story of the prophet Elijah.

For a lot of reasons, for a long time, in medicine, philosophy, even religion, the model for a human being was kind of a box full of separate parts, each more or less independent of the others, each of which could be understood, addressed, treated, independently of the others. Physical problems were physical problems, mental were mental, spiritual were spiritual, and so on, and were treated as such.

The problem with all of that is that it just isn't true. And in each of the disciplines I mentioned, there has grown an increasingly heightened awareness of the fact that it isn't true. An awareness that a human being is not a bunch of parts, but is an integer, a whole that functions as a whole in a wide range of ways, on a wide range of levels. And everything that happens to us, everything we do on any one level, happens to us, we do, to one degree or another, on every level of our humanness. So nothing human is just physical, or just emotional, or just intellectual, or just spiritual. All of it is simply, totally, human.

Well, the relevance of all of this to burnout is simple enough. When we use up the reserves that we would normally apply to one range of effort, we begin to draw on reserves that are more properly applied to another. When effort in one area is unrealistically, wastefully expended physically, for example, we pay the price intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, ...and any other combination of those words you may want to make.

And the result of all of that is the great killer of peace and joy in our lives, an imbalance, a disproportion in the person, across the board. Imbalance is always exhausting. When we are working under the burden of an imbalance, it necessarily, inescapably takes ten times more effort than need be to get the job done. Now, the job may very well get done, and get done well, but the price that is paid is disproportionately high. Just imagine yourself carrying around an 8 foot 2-by-4 all day long. Well, as long as you can get a grip right in the middle, maintain a balance, it's not too terribly tough. But imagine having to carry that same 2-by-4 about 2 feet off center. Still possible, but the effort it takes to get it done is much greater, and it is exhausting. So exhausting that perhaps other good things that should get done, might not.

Now if a person really wants to carry that 2-by-4, wants to carry it well, he can get pretty accustomed even to that imbalance. It can start to feel normal. But it isn't. That person has two choices, really, he can wait till the 2-by-4 drops, and it will, or he can stop and say. "Wait a minute. This shouldn't be this tough. I'm going to shift my hand a few feet toward the center here, even if that feels a little unfamiliar for a while. Even if I have to put the thing down for a while in order to regain balance."

So, what makes the difference between those two choices? I think, simply enough, awareness that the balance has been lost. In the familiar language of wellness, symptoms, and the positive decision to do something about it.

Symptoms of burnout.... signs that energy is being used up, unrealistically, wastefully, damagingly. There are a great many of them and not surprisingly, they show up across the range of one's humanness, physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. Some of the classics, ...difficulty in sleeping... waking up in the morning not really very rested... consistent indigestion... dependence on chemicals for coping... caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, sleeping pills, tranquilizers. Aches and pains... especially headaches, in the bottom back of the head ...ache in the neck and shoulders, hips or lower back...things that used to be fun just aren't so much any more. A depressed sense of play...diminished pleasure in relationships...frustration, more than usual, with work, family, friendships...all signs that something is out of balance somewhere.

So. Now I'd like to spend the next few minutes talking about a few things we can all do to help prevent burnout, and help ease it if we are already there. And then I'd like to reflect bit on a specifically Christian dimension to all of this. Notice I say HELP prevent burnout, because I very much doubt that it can be prevented altogether. We all get tired from time to time, and we all develop imbalances in our make-up from time to time. That's just part of being the complex creatures that we are.

And the first step is, not surprisingly, to aggressively look for the imbalances in our lives. Check that 2-by-4 once in a while, and check just where our hand is. As I said, those imbalances can get to be so familiar that they may be difficult to detect, so the company of a friend is very valuable in rooting them out. Someone who knows you very well, or even more important cares about you... cares enough to listen to you reflectively, and give you their impressions of what they see and hear. And one of the very first things that friend may reflect back to you is the way you use language. Language is an immensely powerful shaping tool. It shapes our attitudes, our relationships, our lives.

Some helpful, healthy, realistic changes in the language we use on ourselves... Eliminate about 90% of our use of words like "should, must, ought, have to, gotta...etc." The trouble with those words is that they virtually always, at least implicitly entail an "or else", and that "or else" is usually pretty grim. I must attain this or that goal, get this or that done, or else I am a failure at my job, and I have let down everybody who depends on me. I must attain this or that goal, get this or that done, or else I am a lousy parent, or husband or wife, or friend or whatever. Almost always, those "or elses" are untrue. There is way too much weight being attached to them, and that means imbalance.

Eliminate about 90% of our use of words like "terrible", and "wonderful". Very little in life is either. Most everything is somewhere in between. If a thing is a pain in the neck, or the organ of your choice, call it that but no more. If a thing is pleasant and desirable, call it that, but no more.

Use the word "responsibility" very carefully. It is an immensely powerful word. Always follow it with "for what?" The fact is that the most any person can be responsible for is the quality of the effort that they make in any situation. They can never be realistically held responsible, not even by themselves, for the outcome of that effort. So a teacher is responsible for teaching, not for learning. An advisor is responsible for advice, not for whether or not that advice is taken. Parents are responsible for the best guidance, love and support they can possibly give, not for whether or not their children turn out to be decent human beings. No one can ever in a word be responsible for how any other person experiences what is offered to them. Trying to assume such a responsibility has failure built in. It's exhausting, and it'll burn you out.

Cultivate nurturing relationships. The kind of relationship where you don't have to be anything at all. The kind of relationship in which you can take off all the masks and the costumes. Someone once described these kinds of relationships as a sort of an emotional nudist colony. I kind of like that. People who live and work in the presence of other people depend a great deal on their persona, their image, the impression that they make. Sometimes that persona is a person's most effective professional tool. Teachers, salespeople, pastors rely on it heavily. But so do parents. We all do, to one degree or another. But generating that persona takes a great deal of energy, and it is very tiring. Nobody can do it all the time, not without paying a great price.

Learn to relax. Perhaps here the bond between body and spirit is most obvious. And learn is the word to use. Relaxation does not come naturally to human beings. If you don't believe that, just watch a cat for a while. If we could do half as well, there wouldn't be a neurosis in town. There are a wide range of skills that can be developed in helping to incorporate this essential quality of relaxation into our lives. Breathing...deeply, rhythmically. Stretching... slowly and rhythmically. Warm water, in a tub or a whirlpool. Getting, or giving, massage, pleasing mental imagery, hobbies. It would be difficult to over-emphasize the importance of gaining a real skill at relaxation.

Be careful of sleep time. Sleep is not the same as relaxation. One cannot substitute for the other. Getting enough sleep is essential, though nobody really seems to know why. But it is simply a fact that building up a sleep debt will make a person pretty screwy, pretty quickly.

Change of pace. It is a fact that we can generate energy in one area of our make-up by expending it in another. So finding something to do, something pleasurable, that is about as far removed from what we do most of the time as can be. Something that draws on a whole different range of skills and sensitivities. Psychiatrists call ignoring this "primary function depletion". Another good way to say burnout.

Well, now a few thoughts on a specifically Christian experience of burnout. Probably there is no clearer invitation in our lives to placing our faith in the reality of grace. I said that in any situation we are responsible for the quality of our effort, not for the outcome of our effort. And that is true. Thankfully, we don't have to be, because God will. Grace has been imaged as God and each of us riding a two-seater bicycle, with God in the front seat. And we in that back seat are to say, "I'll peddle, You steer". It is a simple, timeless truth that God's word is effective. Ages ago, God said to Isaiah, "Just as the rain will not return to the heavens before it has watered and given life to the earth, so will My Word not return to Me until it has accomplished that for which I sent It." Theologians call that the "dabar Yahweh", if I remember correctly... the effective Word of God. And the implication of that in our lives is just the same as it was for Isaiah. If you speak the Word of God, in what you say, what you do, what you are, then you will be effectiv... you will nurture and give life to those around you, even if it doesn't seem that way to you. We might even say, especially when it doesn't seem that way. That means it is the mind of God at work, not mine. I am a great believer in the reality of grace. It is my greatest consolation. I've seen it work, in my life and in my ministry. I am not an especially humble man, though those nearest and dearest to me have frequently told me I have a great many reasons to be humble. So it is not false modesty when I say that I have done things I know perfectly well I can't do. Don't have the talent, don't have the strength, don't much of the time, even have the inclination. And yet, over the years, good things have happened. Challenges have been met, well enough at least, wonderful relationships have been formed, and sometimes, people have been helped. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that every single one of you can say the same thing. You have done things you can't do. And that, is grace.

One more great blessing. I said that we are responsible for the quality of our effort. True, but even that doesn't have to be super heroic, if it is sincere, and offered in accord with the mind of God. We don't have to do God's will nobly. We just have to do God's will. I think the finest, most insightful thing Graham Greene ever wrote was the book "The Power and the Glory". If you've never read it, it's well worth doing so. It is the story of a priest in Mexico, during the time of the Mexican revolution, a time when in many parts of the country, the Church was being viscously persecuted. And this guy was by any measure, a lousy priest. He drank too much, sold blessings, and even had a mistress. Even so, his parish, for some reason, valued him. More than he valued them. Because he was valued by his people, he had been marked for arrest and execution, so when troops approached his territory, he left the parish in the lurch, and headed for another part of the country where he could continue to live quite comfortably. But then a message reached him that one of his parishioners had been injured, was dying, and had asked the priest to come and administer the sacraments to him. Knowing it was a trap, terrified for his life, and cursing himself for a fool, he went. And of course, he was arrested and sentenced to be shot. The most powerful scene in the book comes when the guards arrive to take him out to the execution field. The priest was so terrified that he couldn't walk, and the guards had to drag him out, weeping and screaming. He even soiled his clothing on the way. Not a very noble image. But it was enough. His people remained faithful, and the Church survived. Perhaps power and glory just don't seem that way, sometimes.

So seek out the imbalances in your life. When you find them, challenge them as lies. Never give in to the temptation to give up because you are afraid that what you have to give, isn't enough. Of course it isn't. It doesn't have to be. If there are days when you have to be dragged out to the pillar, fine, be dragged. It's not really a pillar, and you won't die. It may be a cross, but this after all is the time of year when we prepare to remind ourselves with powerful ritual that in Christ's company, not even the cross is a deadly thing.

A Lenten Luncheon, March 29, 2000, Church of the Nativity, Fargo, North Dakota Fargo, ND.